just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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