Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
