you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He? As in you personified your dick?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
