the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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