I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
