got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I did not marry a roomba.
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