I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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