I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
