I got chris browned last night
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
