I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
