My room smells like vodka and shame
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
