Hey man sorry I got all grabby
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
