May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
