if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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