I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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