I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
