who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
