My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I think weed is turning my hair brown
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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