I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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