umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
