Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I am never drinking with the goths again.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
