I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
