but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Randomize
