I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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