the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
If I die, sorry about rent.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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