you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
