My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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