shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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