is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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