dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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