I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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