no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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