Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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