I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
People in love make me want to vomit
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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