guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
