Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
