She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
