Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
