I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
