I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
