There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
