as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
