Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
