i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
