i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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