I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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