It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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