i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
