I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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