I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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