Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
