I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
